He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
How's work?
Spinning.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
