when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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