my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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