We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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