and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
