I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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