omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
