her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
sex in a hospital.. check
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