At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
