Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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