Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
