I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
