What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
