So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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