shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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