Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
