I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
