I feel great
I just peed on a car
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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