I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
