when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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