is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
