I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
