capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
