whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize