so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
