sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
