he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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