Barsexuality is the new black.
love makes seman taste better
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
