I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
