dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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