planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
