Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
