someone get that fucking seahorse.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
