can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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