Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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