I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
