Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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