I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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