omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You smell like stripper and shame
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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