I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I love you. Go after that dick
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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