It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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