I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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