The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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