Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize