the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you will always have a special place in my vag
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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