Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
