just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
