Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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