I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
