He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
