I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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