Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
