We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
