I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just want to make out with him forever
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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