do herpes really smell.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
