I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
