Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
