you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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