Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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