He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
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The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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