and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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