Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
