I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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