He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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