well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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