Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
