I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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