so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
