I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's rum buckets o'clock
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
