it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
