Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Found your dick twin last night
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
