Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
