It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
