Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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