matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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