I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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