I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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