I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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