Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
