I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
