You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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