Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
